TRUE STORIES
A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had
taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
********
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare
to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
driver went to a nearby bus-stop and offered everyone waiting there
a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff
that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre
fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
********
An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious
head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying
to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he
was hit.
********
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her
an examination to determine the cause of her daughter's swollen
abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your
daughter is pregnant." The mother turned red with fury and she
argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would
never compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor
faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became
enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you
paying attention to me?" "Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am.
It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and
three wise men came. And I was hoping that they would show up again.
********
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a
hold- up in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot
did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and
tried
the trigger again. This time it worked.
********
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine
and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance
company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have
a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's
claim was approved.
********
Bonus extra ...... this is a classic A passenger in a taxi tapped
the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver
screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb,
and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments
everything was
silent in the cab, then the driver said, "Please, don't ever do that again.
You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also
frightened,
apologised and said he didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder
could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's
really not
your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving
a hearse for the last 25 years."
A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had
taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
********
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare
to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
driver went to a nearby bus-stop and offered everyone waiting there
a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff
that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre
fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
********
An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious
head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying
to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he
was hit.
********
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her
an examination to determine the cause of her daughter's swollen
abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your
daughter is pregnant." The mother turned red with fury and she
argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would
never compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor
faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became
enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you
paying attention to me?" "Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am.
It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and
three wise men came. And I was hoping that they would show up again.
********
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a
hold- up in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot
did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and
tried
the trigger again. This time it worked.
********
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine
and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance
company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have
a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's
claim was approved.
********
Bonus extra ...... this is a classic A passenger in a taxi tapped
the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver
screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb,
and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments
everything was
silent in the cab, then the driver said, "Please, don't ever do that again.
You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also
frightened,
apologised and said he didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder
could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's
really not
your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving
a hearse for the last 25 years."