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<!-- END BYLINE --> Here we go again.
First we had police officers sledding and bowling on duty in Milwaukee. Now, thanks to satellites high above the Earth, police detectives in Muskego were caught tanning, shopping and doing errands.
It's ironic that the loafing Muskego cops were tripped up by the very device normally used by police to tail drug dealers and other criminals.
Chief John Johnson hid a global positioning system tracker on the car used by his two detectives and waited for them to confirm suspicions they were running their personal lives on company time.
One detective, Thomas Schilling, was working on a tan during his shift, combining criminology and dermatology.
Imagine how somnolent a police department must be when a detective can stop on a regular basis at the tanning salon, get undressed and stretch out on a tanning bed.
Gives new meaning to the word Coppertone. It turns out all that stands between the citizens of Muskego and crime is the thin tan line.
Diversity on the police department is a worthy goal, but being bronze does not qualify Schilling as a person of color. He was tanned, rested and probably not that ready.
The chief should have known something was awry when detectives began interrogating bad guys under hot ultraviolet lights.
After he was busted, Schilling actually tried to claim this was work-related because it helped him avoid sunburn on the job. Nice try, but with that logic you could visit brothels because they help you avoid loneliness on the job.
On one particular day noted in newly released police reports, Schilling spent more than three hours on personal business. Assuming May 27 was even close to a typical day, the good citizens of Muskego have been ripped off.
Schilling wasn't loafing just in Muskego. He went to his home in Franklin to change into shoes that matched his pants, something Detective Columbo would never do. And he picked up his girlfriend's daughter from school in Greendale. I'm picturing this license plate on the police car: DAD'S TAXI.
Schilling realized too late that tanning can have harmful side effects. But now that he has resigned, he is saying that most of what he did was merely standard operating procedure on the department.
In that case, Muskego apparently needs more crime or fewer cops. Meanwhile, Milwaukee police - who would claim to be overstretched despite a fair amount of sledding and bowling in District 3 - are trying to figure out if they even want to respond anymore to burglar alarms and gas station drive-offs.
The other detective, now ex-detective, James Kaebisch, was shopping at the Geoffrey Beene Outlet Store way over in Kenosha County while on duty, and in May, he spent exactly one hour and 13 minutes discussing marital problems with a friend in South Milwaukee. Hard to take a bite out of crime when you're chewing the fat miles away in another county.
There are moments in all of our lives when we would just as soon not have our global position pinpointed. People paid with public dollars should pay particular attention to this possibility, especially when the finely tuned triangulated coordinates would find them baking at Goldie's tanning salon.
And if we see an on-duty cop at Geoffrey Beene, we hope that means the store - and not the taxpayers - has just been robbed.
JSOnline
First we had police officers sledding and bowling on duty in Milwaukee. Now, thanks to satellites high above the Earth, police detectives in Muskego were caught tanning, shopping and doing errands.
It's ironic that the loafing Muskego cops were tripped up by the very device normally used by police to tail drug dealers and other criminals.
Chief John Johnson hid a global positioning system tracker on the car used by his two detectives and waited for them to confirm suspicions they were running their personal lives on company time.
One detective, Thomas Schilling, was working on a tan during his shift, combining criminology and dermatology.
Imagine how somnolent a police department must be when a detective can stop on a regular basis at the tanning salon, get undressed and stretch out on a tanning bed.
Gives new meaning to the word Coppertone. It turns out all that stands between the citizens of Muskego and crime is the thin tan line.
Diversity on the police department is a worthy goal, but being bronze does not qualify Schilling as a person of color. He was tanned, rested and probably not that ready.
The chief should have known something was awry when detectives began interrogating bad guys under hot ultraviolet lights.
After he was busted, Schilling actually tried to claim this was work-related because it helped him avoid sunburn on the job. Nice try, but with that logic you could visit brothels because they help you avoid loneliness on the job.
On one particular day noted in newly released police reports, Schilling spent more than three hours on personal business. Assuming May 27 was even close to a typical day, the good citizens of Muskego have been ripped off.
Schilling wasn't loafing just in Muskego. He went to his home in Franklin to change into shoes that matched his pants, something Detective Columbo would never do. And he picked up his girlfriend's daughter from school in Greendale. I'm picturing this license plate on the police car: DAD'S TAXI.
Schilling realized too late that tanning can have harmful side effects. But now that he has resigned, he is saying that most of what he did was merely standard operating procedure on the department.
In that case, Muskego apparently needs more crime or fewer cops. Meanwhile, Milwaukee police - who would claim to be overstretched despite a fair amount of sledding and bowling in District 3 - are trying to figure out if they even want to respond anymore to burglar alarms and gas station drive-offs.
The other detective, now ex-detective, James Kaebisch, was shopping at the Geoffrey Beene Outlet Store way over in Kenosha County while on duty, and in May, he spent exactly one hour and 13 minutes discussing marital problems with a friend in South Milwaukee. Hard to take a bite out of crime when you're chewing the fat miles away in another county.
There are moments in all of our lives when we would just as soon not have our global position pinpointed. People paid with public dollars should pay particular attention to this possibility, especially when the finely tuned triangulated coordinates would find them baking at Goldie's tanning salon.
And if we see an on-duty cop at Geoffrey Beene, we hope that means the store - and not the taxpayers - has just been robbed.
JSOnline