Thanks for the chain letters!

[janiedriver]

To all my friends, thanks to you sending me chain letters in 2003:

I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it’s good for removing toilet stains.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.

I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer or Alzheimer.

I don’t leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.

I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.

I stopped consuming several foods for fear that the estrogens they contain may turn me gay.

I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because they are nothing other than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab.

I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.

I think I'm turning gay because when I go to parties, I don't look at any girl no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account, a sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. Funny that girl, she's been 7 since 1993...

I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when participated in their special e-mail program. My Erickson phone never arrived and neither did the passes for a paid vacation to Disney land.

But I am positive that all this is the cause of a stinking chain that I broke or forgot to follow and I got a curse from hell.

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will crap on you today at 7pm.

 

[banzibaby]

Wow, thats some list there Janie, i hope U aint fell for all of them

I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because they are nothing other than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab.

So U been to McDonalds recently lol

a bird will crap on you today at 7pm.

Did anyone get the plate no for that damn bird, sigh there goes another good jacket

Seriousl, i never bother with all these chain/spam mails & stuff, thats what the bin is for

BaNzI

 

[catachresis]

SMILE, SOMEBODY LOVES YOU!

Father Eugene Ryan taught religion and catechism classes at St. Joseph's Primary School in Wetumpka, Alabama for over twenty years. Father Eugene worked hard to convey his love of Christ to all his students, but unfortunately he had joined the priesthood due to unresolved ambivalence towards his mother and a fatalistic conviction that no woman would ever want to have sex with him. As a result, Fr. Eugene's sincere efforts to educate successive generations of students greatly contributed to the development of a plethora of life-long dysfunctions, including three suicide attempts, nine divorces, over six hundred hours of therapy sessions, a number of alcohol and narcotics-addictions, a short jail-sentence for shop-lifting, a gender-change operation, the mysterious disappearance of neighbourhood pets, and one successful election to the post of President of the Wetumpka Rotarians.

SHARE THE LOVE!

The example set by Father Eugene reminds us all that our efforts to touch the lives of others often have wondrous and unforeseen consequences. This story of personal devotion has been sent to you by someone who wants to share a unique and personal vision of LOVE! But don't keep it to yourself! Send this on to three people you know, and you will help to spread the extraordinary legacy of unease and self-loathing.

This message has travelled around the world three times already. People have tried to set their mail filtres to stop it, but like the pancreatic cancer that killed Fr. Eugene last year, this LOVE is too strong to be stopped. In time, it will touch everyone and cause heart failure. So don't wait -- send this mail now, while you still feel the JOY and before God becomes angry!

 

[VIPER_1069]

some of my own email experiences from memory


ok i dont need enlargments thanks ive NEVER HAD A COMPLAINT !!!

I dont need money from anyone from any NIGERIAN quoting

A wealthy foreigner needs your help moving millions of dollars from his homeland to yours and will reward you with a hefty percentage of this fortune if you agree to assist him.

i dont need to loose weight how could an email know if im over weight !?

i dont need a loan im not in debt

i dont need a credit card so i can get into debt

i already donate to worthy charitys in person not via cheque or other i give cash its more personal and they get the money there and then so dont email me for donations !?

i dont what car insurance i dont /cannot drive

i dont need any womens beauty products etc etc im male duh !?

i dont want to by the latest gadget on line i prolly already have it anyhow !?

i dont want screensaver attachments with free VIRII besides i never use any anyhow!

i don't wanna CLICK HERE TO UN-SUBSCRIBE as this will confirm my EMAIL AS VALID and give you the opportunity to spam me more junk!


so theres a few and thanks to MAILWASHER a whole heap less than i used to get !!



some tips for less spam!

1) use MAILWASHER to filter mail its freeware!

2) DO NOT CLICK the UNSUBSCRIBE here link this confirms your email as VALID !

3) DO NOT OPEN any attachments that you are unsure of or don't know who its from etc!

4) IF THE OFFER IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE then it prolly is! and its a SCAM!

5) DON'T fall foul of ANY chain emails nothing bad will happen to you if you delete and NOT forward ... chances are if you DO FORWARD your friends will hate you or kick yer butt when you see them next for SPAMMING them lol !

(TRUST ME when i say NOTHING bad will happen i've deleted prolly hundreds and nothings happened that would not normally happen in life by circumstance or coincidence!)

6) SCAN ALL attachments with a RELIABLE anti-virus (KEEP IT UPDATED!)

7) USE a Web mail for any thing you are unsure about to keep your PRIVATE pop /personal mail for JUST THAT private and personal stuff you can always forward any mail from a webmail to a popmail if you wish to arhive it later

8) WHEN using an email address on a forum to avoid it being AUTO HARVESTED by naughty bots that collect mails for spammers use this NO SPAM phrase to your email address e.g. NOSPAMviper_1069@anymail.com people reading the mail can remove the NO SPAM and email you if needed ... bots are too dumb to spot this

9) AVOID using email addresses wherever possible for filling out forms a simple fix for this is to make one up if you know that the site is not going to email you back a confirmation mail or activate via email message (note this forum requires a VALID email to validate or send information to you!)

10) DON'T panic over an unknown email offering great things or gifts or other scam like stuff sent to you from some unknown person/persons etc just delete it its as easy as that !