Surrogate Father
The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to
use a proxy or surrogate father to start their family. On the day
the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and
said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon".
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam. I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs.Smith
cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a
specialty of babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped.
Please come in and have a seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on
the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the
living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry
and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.
But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or
seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot of ..." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to
be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with
that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know it.", Mrs. Smith said quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a
portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a
bus in downtown London"
Oh my goodness!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her
handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well-when you
consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get
the job done right. People were crowding around four and five
deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in
amazement.
"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours,
too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could
hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to
rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on
my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs.Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on
your, um.. equipment?"
"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod
so that we can get to work."
"Tripod??".
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much
too big for me to hold very long. Madam? Madam?.....
Good Lord, she's fainted!"
The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to
use a proxy or surrogate father to start their family. On the day
the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and
said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon".
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam. I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs.Smith
cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a
specialty of babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped.
Please come in and have a seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on
the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the
living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry
and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.
But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or
seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot of ..." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to
be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with
that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know it.", Mrs. Smith said quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a
portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a
bus in downtown London"
Oh my goodness!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her
handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well-when you
consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get
the job done right. People were crowding around four and five
deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in
amazement.
"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours,
too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could
hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to
rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on
my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs.Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on
your, um.. equipment?"
"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod
so that we can get to work."
"Tripod??".
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much
too big for me to hold very long. Madam? Madam?.....
Good Lord, she's fainted!"
