******* I decided that I needed a few days off and realized that I had run out of vacation time already. I figured the best way to get the Boss to send me home was to act a little crazy, thinking he'd think I was burning out and give me some time off. I came in to work early the next day and began hanging upside down from the ceiling. Just then one of my coworkers
(she's blonde-it'll be important later) came in and asked me what I was doing. "Shh," I said, "I'm acting crazy to get a few days off. I'm a light bulb."
A second later the Boss walked by and asked me what I was doing. "I'm a light bulb!" I exclaimed.
"You're going crazy," he said. "Take a few days off."
With that, I jumped down and started walking out. My blonde coworker started following me and the Boss asked where she was going. "I can't work in the dark," she said.
******* The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do... Why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion.
The Lone Ranger got the horse water and Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."
Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe." and took off running circles around Silver.
Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do. What's wrong with him this time?"
The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, "Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin.' ........
THE PARROT A man gets to his plane seat and is surprised to find a parrot strapped into the seat next to him. Once in the air, the stewardess comes around and the man asks her for a coffee, whereupon the parrot squawks, "Bring me a whiskey, bitch."
The stewardess, somewhat flustered, brings a whiskey to the parrot, but forgets the coffee. When the man points this out to her, the parrot immediately drains its glass and yells, "Get me another whiskey, bitch."
Quite upset, the stewardess returns shortly with a whiskey for the parrot, but still no coffee for the man. Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man decides to try the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee, bitch, now go and get it for me."
In a couple of seconds, two burly stewards arrive, grab both the man and the parrot, take them to the emergency exit and toss them both out of the airplane.
As they're falling toward the ground, the parrot turns to the man and says, "You know, for someone who can't fly, you're kind of a mouthy bastard." ..........
TRUE BRAVERY True bravery is arriving home stinking drunk after a very late night out with the boys.
Being met at the door and assaulted with a broom by your wife . . . . and still having the guts to ask:
"Are you cleaning, or were you flying somewhere?'
(she's blonde-it'll be important later) came in and asked me what I was doing. "Shh," I said, "I'm acting crazy to get a few days off. I'm a light bulb."
A second later the Boss walked by and asked me what I was doing. "I'm a light bulb!" I exclaimed.
"You're going crazy," he said. "Take a few days off."
With that, I jumped down and started walking out. My blonde coworker started following me and the Boss asked where she was going. "I can't work in the dark," she said.
******* The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do... Why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion.
The Lone Ranger got the horse water and Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."
Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe." and took off running circles around Silver.
Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do. What's wrong with him this time?"
The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, "Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin.' ........
THE PARROT A man gets to his plane seat and is surprised to find a parrot strapped into the seat next to him. Once in the air, the stewardess comes around and the man asks her for a coffee, whereupon the parrot squawks, "Bring me a whiskey, bitch."
The stewardess, somewhat flustered, brings a whiskey to the parrot, but forgets the coffee. When the man points this out to her, the parrot immediately drains its glass and yells, "Get me another whiskey, bitch."
Quite upset, the stewardess returns shortly with a whiskey for the parrot, but still no coffee for the man. Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man decides to try the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee, bitch, now go and get it for me."
In a couple of seconds, two burly stewards arrive, grab both the man and the parrot, take them to the emergency exit and toss them both out of the airplane.
As they're falling toward the ground, the parrot turns to the man and says, "You know, for someone who can't fly, you're kind of a mouthy bastard." ..........
TRUE BRAVERY True bravery is arriving home stinking drunk after a very late night out with the boys.
Being met at the door and assaulted with a broom by your wife . . . . and still having the guts to ask:
"Are you cleaning, or were you flying somewhere?'