AndrejX
1
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous that he
could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The
monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting
nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to
the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the
beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his
office after mass, he found the following note on his
door.
1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp
2. There are ten commandments, not twelve
3. There are twelve disciples, not ten
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, not bet his ass
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son and the Holy Ghost are not
referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out
of him
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his
donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he
said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body."
He did not say "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not to be referred to as "Mary
with the Cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not:
"Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God."
14. Next Sunday, there will be a taffy pulling contest
at St.Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at
St.Taffy's.
could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The
monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting
nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to
the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the
beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his
office after mass, he found the following note on his
door.
1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp
2. There are ten commandments, not twelve
3. There are twelve disciples, not ten
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, not bet his ass
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son and the Holy Ghost are not
referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out
of him
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his
donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he
said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body."
He did not say "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not to be referred to as "Mary
with the Cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not:
"Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God."
14. Next Sunday, there will be a taffy pulling contest
at St.Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at
St.Taffy's.