Man Mates with Disc Sander
I read about this in the US Navy Summary of Mishaps report back in '92. Some of the details were omitted then, but luckily I was stationed with someone who witnessed the events and provided the full scoop:
Sometime around 1990, at a small Navy base in Adak, Alaska, this sailor was working at the base wood shop. He was alone, and apparently had some intimacy issues because he took the opportunity to utilize a yet unexplored feature of the local disk sander. He took a fleece buffing pad (the soft, fuzzy kind) and mounted it on the sander, then proceeded to, uh, pleasure himself while rubbing, uh, himself against the rotating buffer. Things got a little exciting apparently, and in the throes of passion, he got snagged by the sander and tore a large gash in his undercarriage.
Now this is understandably an embarrassing situation for anyone, but this guy already had his share of humiliation from previous endeavors, so he chose self-treatment over going to the hospital. Even with all the pain he was in, this genius took it like a man…. and commenced to stapling his injuries closed – with a staple gun! He then cleaned up the bloody mess left behind and went back to his barracks room to recuperate.
Three days later, his testicles had swollen to baseball-sized purple masses and he finally decided to go to the base clinic to get looked at. Amazingly, blood poisoning hadn’t set in from his stapling job. He had the staples removed, was treated for tetanus, oh – and had both of his testicles removed due to the trauma inflicted.
They came up with some clever nicknames for him after the ordeal as you can imagine.
The Commanding Officer decided he had suffered enough and didn’t impose any punitive action for his lack of judgment and misuse of government equipment. The new policy enacted at the wood shop, however, required that 2 people must be present to operate any machinery and video cameras were installed (one in plain view of the disc sander.)
Thankfully, his genes were skimmed from the pool before his first date. I wonder how many gals he’s been able to go out with since becoming the "Buffer Boy"?
Reference: ca1990? US Navy Mishap Summary
http://darwinawards.com/slush/
I read about this in the US Navy Summary of Mishaps report back in '92. Some of the details were omitted then, but luckily I was stationed with someone who witnessed the events and provided the full scoop:
Sometime around 1990, at a small Navy base in Adak, Alaska, this sailor was working at the base wood shop. He was alone, and apparently had some intimacy issues because he took the opportunity to utilize a yet unexplored feature of the local disk sander. He took a fleece buffing pad (the soft, fuzzy kind) and mounted it on the sander, then proceeded to, uh, pleasure himself while rubbing, uh, himself against the rotating buffer. Things got a little exciting apparently, and in the throes of passion, he got snagged by the sander and tore a large gash in his undercarriage.
Now this is understandably an embarrassing situation for anyone, but this guy already had his share of humiliation from previous endeavors, so he chose self-treatment over going to the hospital. Even with all the pain he was in, this genius took it like a man…. and commenced to stapling his injuries closed – with a staple gun! He then cleaned up the bloody mess left behind and went back to his barracks room to recuperate.
Three days later, his testicles had swollen to baseball-sized purple masses and he finally decided to go to the base clinic to get looked at. Amazingly, blood poisoning hadn’t set in from his stapling job. He had the staples removed, was treated for tetanus, oh – and had both of his testicles removed due to the trauma inflicted.
They came up with some clever nicknames for him after the ordeal as you can imagine.
The Commanding Officer decided he had suffered enough and didn’t impose any punitive action for his lack of judgment and misuse of government equipment. The new policy enacted at the wood shop, however, required that 2 people must be present to operate any machinery and video cameras were installed (one in plain view of the disc sander.)
Thankfully, his genes were skimmed from the pool before his first date. I wonder how many gals he’s been able to go out with since becoming the "Buffer Boy"?
Reference: ca1990? US Navy Mishap Summary
http://darwinawards.com/slush/
