AndrejX
1
1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to
use the Internet and
they won't bother you for weeks.
2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but
smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
3. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and
I think,
"Well, that's not going to happen."
4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of
nothing.
5. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an
argument going.
6. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
about seeing
UFOs like they used to?
7. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a
woman is their
eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch
of liars.
8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to
criticism.
10. Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred
dollars and a substantial
tax cut saves you thirty cents?
11. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people
take Prozac to make it normal.
12. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to
realize that it bears
a very close resemblance to the first.
13. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly
what the Universe is
for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by
something even more
bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has
already happened.
14. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a
campfire?
15. You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here legally, but
they hung around on
these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to
Blockbuster:
you're two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's
put Blockbuster in
charge of immigration.
use the Internet and
they won't bother you for weeks.
2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but
smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
3. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and
I think,
"Well, that's not going to happen."
4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of
nothing.
5. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an
argument going.
6. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
about seeing
UFOs like they used to?
7. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a
woman is their
eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch
of liars.
8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to
criticism.
10. Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred
dollars and a substantial
tax cut saves you thirty cents?
11. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people
take Prozac to make it normal.
12. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to
realize that it bears
a very close resemblance to the first.
13. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly
what the Universe is
for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by
something even more
bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has
already happened.
14. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a
campfire?
15. You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here legally, but
they hung around on
these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to
Blockbuster:
you're two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's
put Blockbuster in
charge of immigration.