Crash
1
A guy walks into a Pharmacy and says to the Pharmacist, "Listen, I have
>three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once. I
>need something to keep me horny, keep me potent."
>
>The Pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and
>takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label 'Viagra - Extra
>Strength' and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go nuts for twelve
>hours."
>
>The guy says "Give me three boxes."
>
>The next day he walks into the same pharmacy, limps up to the Pharmacist
>and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as his penis
>is black and blue, and skin is hanging off in some places. In a pained
>voice, the man moans out, "Give me some Deep Heat!"
>
>The pharmacist replies in horror, "You can't put Deep Heat on that!"
>
>The man replies, "No it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."
>
>
>
>***********
>
>
>A little kid was sitting on the top of a flight of stairs and his Mum
>was watching him. The kid had a bag of jelly beans. He put one in his
>mouth, grabbed the cat and bit it. Then he'd drop down to the next
>step, put another jelly bean in his mouth, bite the cat again and drop
>down to the next step.
>
>His Mum wondered what he was doing, and asked him. "I'm playing
>truckies - poppin' pills, eating pussy and moving on."
>
>
>
>************
>
>
>Gary Ayres noticed that his star player, Wayne Carey,had so many women
>hanging around, that he couldn't possibly handle all of them.
>
>So one day after practise, Ayres asked Wayne, "Just what the hell is
>your secret with women?"
>
>Carey replied "Well, Coach, whenever I'm about to have sex, I always
>whip it out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. That numbs it and
>I can screw them forever!"
>
>Ayres decided that it was a good idea so one day he left training early.
> When he got home he heard his wife in the shower. Seeing a window of
>opportunity, he tore off his clothes and started banging it on the
>dresser. His wife stuck her head out of the shower and said, "Is that
>you, Wayne?"
>
>
>
>***********
>
>
>
>Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they
>were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Mary suddenly jumped into the
>deep end. She sank to the bottom and stayed there.
>
>Jim promptly jumped in to save her. He swam to the bottom and pulled Mary
>out. When the medical director became aware of Jim's heroic act, he
>immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as he now
>considered him to be mentally stable.
>
>When he went to tell Jim the news, he said "Jim, I have good news and bad
>news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able
>to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained
>your senses. The bad news is, Mary, the patient you saved, hung herself
>with her bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am sorry, but she's dead."
>
>Jim replied, "She's not dead, I put her there to dry."
>
>
>
>************
>
>
>Two little kids are in hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other
>outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are
>you in here for?"
>
>The second kid replies "I'm in here to get my tonsils out, and I'm a little
>nervous."
>
>The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done
>when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you
>lots of jelly and icecream. It's a breeze!"
>
>The second kid then asks, "What are you in here for?"
>
>The first kid says "A circumcision."
>
>The second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. Couldn't
>walk for a year!"
>
>
>*************
>
>A 7 year old and a 5 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know
>what?", says the 7 year old, "I think it's about time we start swearing."
>
>The 5 year old nods his head in approval. "When we go downstairs for
>breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?"
>
>"Ok" the 5 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
>
>The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants
>for breakfast. "Oh, shit mum, I guess I'll have some Coco Pops"
>
>WHACK!!
>
>He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and
>ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at the 5 year old and asked
>with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?!"
>
>"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your f ##!!! n ass it
>won't be Coco Pops "
Crash
>three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once. I
>need something to keep me horny, keep me potent."
>
>The Pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and
>takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label 'Viagra - Extra
>Strength' and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go nuts for twelve
>hours."
>
>The guy says "Give me three boxes."
>
>The next day he walks into the same pharmacy, limps up to the Pharmacist
>and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as his penis
>is black and blue, and skin is hanging off in some places. In a pained
>voice, the man moans out, "Give me some Deep Heat!"
>
>The pharmacist replies in horror, "You can't put Deep Heat on that!"
>
>The man replies, "No it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."
>
>
>
>***********
>
>
>A little kid was sitting on the top of a flight of stairs and his Mum
>was watching him. The kid had a bag of jelly beans. He put one in his
>mouth, grabbed the cat and bit it. Then he'd drop down to the next
>step, put another jelly bean in his mouth, bite the cat again and drop
>down to the next step.
>
>His Mum wondered what he was doing, and asked him. "I'm playing
>truckies - poppin' pills, eating pussy and moving on."
>
>
>
>************
>
>
>Gary Ayres noticed that his star player, Wayne Carey,had so many women
>hanging around, that he couldn't possibly handle all of them.
>
>So one day after practise, Ayres asked Wayne, "Just what the hell is
>your secret with women?"
>
>Carey replied "Well, Coach, whenever I'm about to have sex, I always
>whip it out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. That numbs it and
>I can screw them forever!"
>
>Ayres decided that it was a good idea so one day he left training early.
> When he got home he heard his wife in the shower. Seeing a window of
>opportunity, he tore off his clothes and started banging it on the
>dresser. His wife stuck her head out of the shower and said, "Is that
>you, Wayne?"
>
>
>
>***********
>
>
>
>Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they
>were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Mary suddenly jumped into the
>deep end. She sank to the bottom and stayed there.
>
>Jim promptly jumped in to save her. He swam to the bottom and pulled Mary
>out. When the medical director became aware of Jim's heroic act, he
>immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as he now
>considered him to be mentally stable.
>
>When he went to tell Jim the news, he said "Jim, I have good news and bad
>news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able
>to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained
>your senses. The bad news is, Mary, the patient you saved, hung herself
>with her bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am sorry, but she's dead."
>
>Jim replied, "She's not dead, I put her there to dry."
>
>
>
>************
>
>
>Two little kids are in hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other
>outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are
>you in here for?"
>
>The second kid replies "I'm in here to get my tonsils out, and I'm a little
>nervous."
>
>The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done
>when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you
>lots of jelly and icecream. It's a breeze!"
>
>The second kid then asks, "What are you in here for?"
>
>The first kid says "A circumcision."
>
>The second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. Couldn't
>walk for a year!"
>
>
>*************
>
>A 7 year old and a 5 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know
>what?", says the 7 year old, "I think it's about time we start swearing."
>
>The 5 year old nods his head in approval. "When we go downstairs for
>breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?"
>
>"Ok" the 5 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
>
>The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants
>for breakfast. "Oh, shit mum, I guess I'll have some Coco Pops"
>
>WHACK!!
>
>He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and
>ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at the 5 year old and asked
>with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?!"
>
>"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your f ##!!! n ass it
>won't be Coco Pops "
Crash