BEER TROUBLESHOOTING CHART
SYMPTOM:Feet cold and wet.
FAULT:Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION:Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM:Feet warm and wet.
FAULT:Improper bladder control.
ACTION:Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
SYMPTOM:Beer unusually pale and tasteless................
FAULT:Glass empty.
ACTION:Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM:Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT:You have fallen over backward.
ACTION:Have yourself leashed to bar.
SYMPTOM:Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT:You have fallen forward.
ACTION:See above.
SYMPTOM:Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT:Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION:Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
SYMPTOM:Floor blurred.
FAULT:You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION:Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM:Floor moving.
FAULT:You are being carried out.
ACTION:Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
SYMPTOM:Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT:Bar has closed.
ACTION:Confirm home address with bartender.
SYMPTOM:Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT:Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION:Cover mouth.
SYMPTOM:Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT:You are dancing on the table.
ACTION:Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
SYMPTOM:Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT:It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION
unch him.
SYMPTOM:Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT:You have been in a fight.
ACTION:Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
SYMPTOMon't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT:You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION:See if they have free beer.
SYMPTOM:Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT:The beer is too weak.
ACTION:Have more beer until your voice improves.
SYMPTOMon't remember the words to the song.
FAULT:Beer is just right.
ACTIONlay air guitar!
(And I thought all those problem solving courses were wasted!)
SYMPTOM:Feet cold and wet.
FAULT:Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION:Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM:Feet warm and wet.
FAULT:Improper bladder control.
ACTION:Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
SYMPTOM:Beer unusually pale and tasteless................
FAULT:Glass empty.
ACTION:Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM:Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT:You have fallen over backward.
ACTION:Have yourself leashed to bar.
SYMPTOM:Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT:You have fallen forward.
ACTION:See above.
SYMPTOM:Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT:Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION:Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
SYMPTOM:Floor blurred.
FAULT:You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION:Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM:Floor moving.
FAULT:You are being carried out.
ACTION:Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
SYMPTOM:Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT:Bar has closed.
ACTION:Confirm home address with bartender.
SYMPTOM:Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT:Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION:Cover mouth.
SYMPTOM:Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT:You are dancing on the table.
ACTION:Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
SYMPTOM:Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT:It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION
unch him. SYMPTOM:Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT:You have been in a fight.
ACTION:Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
SYMPTOM
on't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in. FAULT:You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION:See if they have free beer.
SYMPTOM:Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT:The beer is too weak.
ACTION:Have more beer until your voice improves.
SYMPTOM
on't remember the words to the song. FAULT:Beer is just right.
ACTION
lay air guitar!(And I thought all those problem solving courses were wasted!)