AndrejX
1
These great questions and answers are from the days
when game show responses were spontaneous and
clever, not scripted and dull as they are now. (Peter
Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.)
Q: Do female frogs croak?
A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water
long enough.
Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should
be at least how high?
A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q: True or false - a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A: George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep.Are you probably man or a
woman?
A: Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's
really attractive, is it
all right to come out directly and ask him if he's married?
A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"?
A: Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q: What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and "Can't Get it."?
A: George Gobel: I don't know but it's come from the next apartment.
Q: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands
while you are talking?
A: Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter, and I'll
give you a gesture you'll never forget!
Q: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A: Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get
any during your first year?
A: Charley Weaver: Of course not; I'm too busy growing strawberries!
Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A: Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.
One is politics. What is the other?
A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A: Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A: Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a
goose do?
A: Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A: Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the
habit of kissing a lot of people?
A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!
Q: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!"
What does that mean?
A: George Goebel: Cattle crossing.
Q: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body -- what is it?
A: Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!
Q: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
A: Charley Weaver: A divorc+*e.
Q: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head,
what was he trying to do?
A: George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
elephant?
A: Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A: Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.
Q: James Stewart did it over 20 years ago, when he was 41 years old. Now he
says it was "one of
the best things I ever did." What was it?
A: Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.
Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has
actually seen them on at
least two occasions. What are they?
A: Charley Weaver: His feet.
These great questions and answers are from the days
when game show responses were spontaneous and
clever, not scripted and dull as they are now. (Peter
Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.)
[from Mike Jordan; ???, Florida]
==========================
A Jewish couple won twenty-million dollars in the lottery.
They immediately set out to begin a life of luxury.
They bought a magnificent mansion estate in Southampton and
surrounded themselves with all the material wealth imaginable.
They then decided to have a butler and, wanting the best, they
traveled to London to hire one. They found the perfect butler
through an agency and brought him back to their estate.
The day after his arrival, they instructed him to set up the dining
room table for four, that they were inviting the Cohens to brunch.
The couple then left the house to do some shopping.
When they returned, they found the table set for eight.
They asked the butler why eight, when they had specifically
instructed him to set the table for four.
The butler replied.....
"The Cohens telephoned and said they were bringing the Bagels
and the Knishes."
[Also from Mike Jordan]
==========================
The difference between a man and a chimpanzee?
One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching,
and the other's a chimpanzee.
==========================
Alabama Train Ride
Three Southerners and three Yankees are traveling by train
to the Super Bowl. At the station, the three Northerners each
buy a ticket and watch as the three Southerners buy just one
ticket.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?"
Asks one of the Yankees.
"Watch and learn," answers one of the men from the South.
They all board the train.
The three Yankee men take their respective seats but all three
Southerners cram into a toilet together and close the door.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes
around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and
says, "Ticket please. "The door opens just a crack and a single
arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and
moves on.
The Yankees see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea,
so after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the return
trip and save some money.
When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return
trip, but see, to their astonishment, that the three Southerners don't
buy any ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed
Yankee.
Watch and learn," answers the men from the South.
When they board the train the three Northerners cram themselves
into a toilet and the three Southerners cram into another toilet just
down the way.
Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the Southerners leaves
their toilet and walks over to the toilet in which the Yankees are
hiding. The Southerner knocks on their door and says,
"Ticket please."
(And I'm still trying to figure out how the South lost that war!)
==========================
The Pager
Lil' Johnny's mother took her 5 year old son
with her to the bank on a busy Friday. They
were in line behind a rather obese lady
wearing a business suit, complete with a
pager. As the mother patiently waited, Lil'
Johnny looked at the women in front of him
and observed loudly, "Hey, Mom, she's REALLY FAT."
The lady looked at Johnny, made eye contact
with his mother and gave an understanding smile.
Lil' Johnny received a quiet reprimand.
After a minute or two, Lil' Johnny spread his
hands as far as they will go and loudly said,
"I bet her butt is *that* wide."
At this the lady glared at Johnny. His
embarrassed mother severely scolds her son.
Again after a couple of minutes Lil' Johnny
stated loudly, "Look how the fat hangs over her
belt." The lady turned and told Johnny's mother
to control her rude child and his mother
threatened him with his very life and existence.
Things in the bank are quiet. The lady moved to
the front of the line when her pager begins to
emit its distinctive tone.
Lil' Johnny yelled in a panic at the top of his
voice, "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE MOM, SHE'S BACKING UP!!!!"
when game show responses were spontaneous and
clever, not scripted and dull as they are now. (Peter
Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.)
Q: Do female frogs croak?
A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water
long enough.
Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should
be at least how high?
A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q: True or false - a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A: George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep.Are you probably man or a
woman?
A: Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's
really attractive, is it
all right to come out directly and ask him if he's married?
A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"?
A: Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q: What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and "Can't Get it."?
A: George Gobel: I don't know but it's come from the next apartment.
Q: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands
while you are talking?
A: Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter, and I'll
give you a gesture you'll never forget!
Q: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A: Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get
any during your first year?
A: Charley Weaver: Of course not; I'm too busy growing strawberries!
Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A: Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.
One is politics. What is the other?
A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A: Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A: Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a
goose do?
A: Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A: Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the
habit of kissing a lot of people?
A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!
Q: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!"
What does that mean?
A: George Goebel: Cattle crossing.
Q: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body -- what is it?
A: Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!
Q: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
A: Charley Weaver: A divorc+*e.
Q: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head,
what was he trying to do?
A: George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
elephant?
A: Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A: Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.
Q: James Stewart did it over 20 years ago, when he was 41 years old. Now he
says it was "one of
the best things I ever did." What was it?
A: Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.
Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has
actually seen them on at
least two occasions. What are they?
A: Charley Weaver: His feet.
These great questions and answers are from the days
when game show responses were spontaneous and
clever, not scripted and dull as they are now. (Peter
Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.)
[from Mike Jordan; ???, Florida]
==========================
A Jewish couple won twenty-million dollars in the lottery.
They immediately set out to begin a life of luxury.
They bought a magnificent mansion estate in Southampton and
surrounded themselves with all the material wealth imaginable.
They then decided to have a butler and, wanting the best, they
traveled to London to hire one. They found the perfect butler
through an agency and brought him back to their estate.
The day after his arrival, they instructed him to set up the dining
room table for four, that they were inviting the Cohens to brunch.
The couple then left the house to do some shopping.
When they returned, they found the table set for eight.
They asked the butler why eight, when they had specifically
instructed him to set the table for four.
The butler replied.....
"The Cohens telephoned and said they were bringing the Bagels
and the Knishes."
[Also from Mike Jordan]
==========================
The difference between a man and a chimpanzee?
One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching,
and the other's a chimpanzee.
==========================
Alabama Train Ride
Three Southerners and three Yankees are traveling by train
to the Super Bowl. At the station, the three Northerners each
buy a ticket and watch as the three Southerners buy just one
ticket.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?"
Asks one of the Yankees.
"Watch and learn," answers one of the men from the South.
They all board the train.
The three Yankee men take their respective seats but all three
Southerners cram into a toilet together and close the door.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes
around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and
says, "Ticket please. "The door opens just a crack and a single
arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and
moves on.
The Yankees see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea,
so after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the return
trip and save some money.
When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return
trip, but see, to their astonishment, that the three Southerners don't
buy any ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed
Yankee.
Watch and learn," answers the men from the South.
When they board the train the three Northerners cram themselves
into a toilet and the three Southerners cram into another toilet just
down the way.
Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the Southerners leaves
their toilet and walks over to the toilet in which the Yankees are
hiding. The Southerner knocks on their door and says,
"Ticket please."
(And I'm still trying to figure out how the South lost that war!)
==========================
The Pager
Lil' Johnny's mother took her 5 year old son
with her to the bank on a busy Friday. They
were in line behind a rather obese lady
wearing a business suit, complete with a
pager. As the mother patiently waited, Lil'
Johnny looked at the women in front of him
and observed loudly, "Hey, Mom, she's REALLY FAT."
The lady looked at Johnny, made eye contact
with his mother and gave an understanding smile.
Lil' Johnny received a quiet reprimand.
After a minute or two, Lil' Johnny spread his
hands as far as they will go and loudly said,
"I bet her butt is *that* wide."
At this the lady glared at Johnny. His
embarrassed mother severely scolds her son.
Again after a couple of minutes Lil' Johnny
stated loudly, "Look how the fat hangs over her
belt." The lady turned and told Johnny's mother
to control her rude child and his mother
threatened him with his very life and existence.
Things in the bank are quiet. The lady moved to
the front of the line when her pager begins to
emit its distinctive tone.
Lil' Johnny yelled in a panic at the top of his
voice, "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE MOM, SHE'S BACKING UP!!!!"
