Steve: Hello. Steve and Matt aren't here right now but if...
Matt: Steve, what are you doing?
Steve: I'm leaving a phone message since we aren't here.
Matt: But you left the last one -- it's my turn.
Steve: No, I'm sure it's my turn.
Matt: No, you're incorrect. It's definitely my turn.
Steve: You fool. I know it's ... wait ... Matt ... what are you doing with that frying pan?!?
BONK [really loud thud]
Matt: Steve is out right now, so please leave your name and number.
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"Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you?"
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"This is (#include phone.addr). We are not ... excuse me a moment, please. Put your sister down. PUT YOUR SISTER DOWN! (sound of window breaking)
Great! What a mess. I'll have to get back to you later."
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"Finally get an answering machine. Now how does this thing work? Hmmm. Press record button, I did that, and the light should be on. I wonder why it'snot working right. Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does......"
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(Annoying flute music in background) Good day, Jim. Your contact, [insert name], is not available right now. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to leave your name, number, and a brief message at the tone. This tape will self-destruct in thirty seconds.
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In the background can be heard Gregorian Chant or some other church music.
<In a soft voice> Good Day My child, you have reached {name} dial a confession. At the tone if you will leave your name, number and short confession I will get back to you with your pennance. Thank you and may God go with you. <Beep>
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"I'm home right now . . . I'm just screening my calls.
So just start talking and if you're someone I want to speak to I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?
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(woman taped off a "phone sex" service)
WOMAN : (seductively) Hi. I'm Linda. You know, it can be really lonely when you're a fashion model. Sometimes I just have to ...
YOU : (interupting) Oh cmon, Linda, give me the damn phone...
(then ask for a message)
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"Speak, worm!" <beep>
Works best if done in a Darth Vader voice.
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"You know what to do at the tone." <beep>
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Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
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How do you leave a message on this thing? I can't understand the instructions. Hello. Testing 1 2 3. I wonder what happens if I touch this... YOW!!
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This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.
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"Hello, this is Ron. (pause) Hello? Hello!!? Nah, just kidding. This is an answering machine. (etc.)"
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"Hello, this is Ron. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil." (background noise - open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.)
"OK, what would you like to tell me?"
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Matt: Steve, what are you doing?
Steve: I'm leaving a phone message since we aren't here.
Matt: But you left the last one -- it's my turn.
Steve: No, I'm sure it's my turn.
Matt: No, you're incorrect. It's definitely my turn.
Steve: You fool. I know it's ... wait ... Matt ... what are you doing with that frying pan?!?
BONK [really loud thud]
Matt: Steve is out right now, so please leave your name and number.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"This is (#include phone.addr). We are not ... excuse me a moment, please. Put your sister down. PUT YOUR SISTER DOWN! (sound of window breaking)
Great! What a mess. I'll have to get back to you later."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Finally get an answering machine. Now how does this thing work? Hmmm. Press record button, I did that, and the light should be on. I wonder why it'snot working right. Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does......"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Annoying flute music in background) Good day, Jim. Your contact, [insert name], is not available right now. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to leave your name, number, and a brief message at the tone. This tape will self-destruct in thirty seconds.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the background can be heard Gregorian Chant or some other church music.
<In a soft voice> Good Day My child, you have reached {name} dial a confession. At the tone if you will leave your name, number and short confession I will get back to you with your pennance. Thank you and may God go with you. <Beep>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I'm home right now . . . I'm just screening my calls.
So just start talking and if you're someone I want to speak to I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(woman taped off a "phone sex" service)
WOMAN : (seductively) Hi. I'm Linda. You know, it can be really lonely when you're a fashion model. Sometimes I just have to ...
YOU : (interupting) Oh cmon, Linda, give me the damn phone...
(then ask for a message)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Speak, worm!" <beep>
Works best if done in a Darth Vader voice.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You know what to do at the tone." <beep>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you leave a message on this thing? I can't understand the instructions. Hello. Testing 1 2 3. I wonder what happens if I touch this... YOW!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hello, this is Ron. (pause) Hello? Hello!!? Nah, just kidding. This is an answering machine. (etc.)"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hello, this is Ron. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil." (background noise - open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.)
"OK, what would you like to tell me?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
