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This one made me wonder...what would be placed in MY hand, anything at all? RED MARBLES Babs Miller was bagging some early potatoes for me. I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily apprising a basket of freshly picked green peas. I paid for my potatoes...

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets, and eight or ten roosters whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an...

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of...

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru? " The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff...

Annual Neologism contest Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are: 1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs. 2. Flabbergasted (adj.)...

Shakespeare: if you love someone, Set her free .... If she ever comes back, she's yours, If she doesn't, here's the poison, suicide yourself for her. Optimist: If you love someone, Set her free .... Don't worry, she will come back. Suspicious: If you love someone, Set her free .... If she...

Free TiVo: Build a Better DVR out of an Old PC Did anyone ever try something like this? It looks like fun!

BEAUTY SCHOOL BEAT DOWN Police: Beauty School Robber Beaten With Sticks, Curling Irons Police: Would-Be Robber Beaten by Beauty School Staff now Hospitalized A man who allegedly tried to rob aShreveport beauty school was confronted by a group of nearly 30 women and one man, some of whom beat...

Why the copilot always does the preflight check:

My First Taser Experience My wife is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be something akin to "Well, I have out done myself once again." No doubt you will see this true story chronicled in a Lifetime movie in the near future. Here goes... Last weekend I spied something at...

TODAY'S TOPIC IS: Fashion Tips for Men. This topic was suggested by a letter from John Cog of Norfolk, Va. Here's the entire text: "How come when I'm standing in front of a full-length mirror with nothing on but socks, white socks look OK, but dark- colored socks make me look cheap and sleazy?"...

$15 A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to scream, "Where did you get that car???!!!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today." "With what money?" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs." "Well," said the boy, "this one cost me...

I have been reading on Court TV's Crime Library, Criminal Minds and Methods. There's an "interesting" article about Albert Fish, Real Life Hannibal Lector. Well, interesting in the way the Mehafy woman is. It's 8 chapters, and a good read...

A guy goes to the U. S. Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Have you been in the service"? "Yes," he says, "I was in Vietnam for three years." The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward employment". The interviewer then asks, "Are you disabled in any...

CASINO PLAYER Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet $10,000 on a single roll of the dice. And she adds, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I m completely nude." With that she takes off everything but...

In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong. Sitting in a saloon one...

For all the Difficult People in your life!!

I thought this was a really good one. I believe- That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change. I believe- That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. I believe- That true...

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies...