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FOR THOSE WHO ENJOY LANGUAGE (OR DISTORTIONS THEREOF): Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine. A backward poet writes inverse. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. Dijonvu - the same mustard as before. Practice safe eating - always use condiments. Shotgun...

Tide A Letter to Tide from a satisfied consumer... Dear Tide, I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled...

Best Bumper Stickers Say "NO" to drugs. That will bring the prices down. What would Ashton do? MOP AND GLO - The floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the...

kleptomaniac A kleptomaniac woman had been caught shop lifting in a supermarket in Myrtle Creek and had to appear in court, taking along her long-suffering husband for marital support. The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so the judge told her that, considering her record, he...

A Chicken,a Horse and a Harley On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! > > Off the...

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming. He gave her that "who are you look," and couldn't remember ever having seen her before. Then, noticing his look, she figured she had...

Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong? Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right? Customer: Yeah.... Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using? Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a...

Drug dealers and Software developers DD: Refer to their clients as "users". SD: Refer to their clients as "users". DD:"The first one's free!" SD:"Download a free trial version..." DD: Have important South-East Asian connections (to help move the stuff). SD:Have important...

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $ 20, for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, with him thinking that it was a...

It's in the Bible A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible and that the entirety of the human experience could be found there. After the service, he was approached by a woman who said "Preacher, I don't believe...

A little loading time...a very funny video! http://www.jollygoodjokes.co.za/jgm_movie.asp?at_num=216

And I have a knot in my stomach from laughing at them!

Mars The Red Planet is about to be spectacular! This month and next, Earth is catching up with Mars in an encounter that will culminate in the closest approach between the two planets in recorded history. The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287. Due to the way Jupiter's...

Lawyer runs a stop sign. A Lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriffs Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputies expense. Deputy says, "License and...

I am not sure exactly how it works, but this is amazingly accurate. Read the full description before looking at the picture. The picture below has 2 identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress level at St. Mary's Hospital. Look at both dolphins jumping out of the...

Hi all, Tomorrow morning at 5 am I leave for the airport to fly to Maine and see my daughter, son-in-law, and the most important part of the trip....my granddaughters!! I'll be there until the following Friday and probably won't have time to check in with ya'll. I'll be thinking of you though...

Dave returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Alma that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. Six hours later, Dave went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I...

Very difficult to think, write or pay attention to anything but the London bombings. God give them all strength in the days ahead.

Man Mates with Disc Sander I read about this in the US Navy Summary of Mishaps report back in '92. Some of the details were omitted then, but luckily I was stationed with someone who witnessed the events and provided the full scoop: Sometime around 1990, at a small Navy base in Adak, Alaska...

My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled: 'Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.'