beannachtaí na féile Pádraig

[janiedriver]

I hope this won't offend anyone's cultural sensibilities. Not intended to. But if I couldn't say it I would have burst open. Next to Halloween I love this holiday best!
I have my hands plastered over my mouth so that the jokes don't come spewing out.

beannachtaí na féile Pádraig

[Seb]

Ehm, wazza mean???

[janiedriver]

Ehm, wazza mean???

Happy St. Patrick's Day
In Gaelic

[catachresis]

Oooh, Janie's getting fancy. I can only say "Post Office" and "Cheers."

A Welshman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are having a drink and telling their tales.

The Welshman says, "My son was born on March 1st, so we named him David, after the patron saint of Wales."

The Scotsman replied, "Isn't that funny -- our son was born on St. Andrew's Day, the 30th of November, so we named the lad Andrew."

The Irishman says, "Fookin'-hell, de same ting happent teh hour son Pancake."

Slainte!

[janiedriver]

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

'What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight,"says Paddy.

'That little ****, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.

" 'That he did," says Paddy,"a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

'Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?

'That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."








Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.

"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."

'That's nothing", says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool, it says here that he was 95 when he died."

Just then, Shamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!"

'What was his name?"asks Paddy?

Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin".








An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.

"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"


'Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.

'Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, That a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."







Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin'to tell ya."

"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"

'That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery.. .

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me.."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."

Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

'Well, no Brenda... no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."








Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.

He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"

She says,"Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."

The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"

She says, 'That he did, Father..

" The priest says, 'What did he ask, Mary?"

She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'








A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing.

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk just sits there.

Finaly, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either".

[banzibaby]

Happy St Pats Day

Hehehehehe, liked the jokes

BaNzI

[janiedriver]

Happy St Pats Day

Hehehehehe, liked the jokes

BaNzI

Is there such a thing as St. Andrew jokes?

[catachresis]

Thanks for the jokes, Janie. Here's another.

The Assistant Plant Manager came round from the Guinness Brewery with one of the men to Mrs. O'Riordan's flat. They said, "We're sorry, but your husband Michael's gone and fallen into one of the vats."

She says, "Has he been taken to St. James Hospital?" and they reply, "No, we're sorry but he's dead."

She clutches her dish-cloth to her eyes and says, "Sweet Jesus! Did he suffer long?"

Factory man says, "Well, long enough, seeing as he got out to go to the loo twice."

[The-poacher]

Sounds like a repeat

But to one & all happy 17th

[Seb]

oooooo ic
Happy st patrick

[serjer]

err btw wat is st patrick day?don't remember wat it is

[janiedriver]

err btw wat is st patrick day?don't remember wat it is

Wow! I'm amazed. You guys are letting him get away with that one!

[banzibaby]

@Janie, i no think so, but there are plenty of scotsman jokes

@serjer, St Patrick is the Irish national saint, he drove snakes from the emerald isle

BaNzI

[serjer]

ok,now i understand

[janiedriver]

Just thought of something...this is not a good day to be Viper, is it.